Somewhere along the road of life, I lost mine. I am so lonely.
We've all tried it and regret things we didn't do or things we should not have done. Some of us has the responsibility our self. For some of us the choice was taken away.
That we didn't manage to break that bond is that because we are who we are? Because they were who they were? A mix of both? I would say yeah in my case it was a mix of both but mostly because they were who there were.
If my childhood home hadn't been a home with a patron, if I hadn't had such a sensitive soul, if I hadn't had a deep need of satisfying them and do what they expected and what I thought was expected from me, my situation would have been another, or would it?
They should have guided me and listened to me. Instead I was told.
There's so much I haven't done yet and time is running out. If I had done it earlier, I wonder if I would still have that gigantic feeling of loss of life, of being a failure, of being a fool.
Right now I feel I don't have a life and I've felt that for many years now. I feel I don't know who I am. I feel I don't know my strength. I feel more than anything I know my weakness, but do I?
Each day just passes by. I feel I have no purpose. No wins, no gains. I have a lot of dreams but I don't seem to be able to get to them. And what are my dreams exactly? Are they wishes, are they fantasies, are they real and do-able? What the fuck am I doing here?
There's a lot I can do but nothing really appeals to me. Reading, sewing, taking photos, the options are endless. All is do-able, but there's nothing where I can say that's it and go all in.
What is it I want to spend my life on? Why is it I never seem to be able to settle? Answer, I simply don't know.
I do know what I miss. I miss love, to be loved and give love. Some people says we should learn to love our self and that until we do that we can't love! I don't agree in those words. That is to say we're all alike, and we're not. I am dependent on other people. Not from their love to be alive, but to live my life and feel alive.
Who says that by loving our self we'll be able to manage life and feel alive? I do love my self so it has nothing to do with that. It's what I need in my life that is not present.
A friend of mine tells me to create my life. To find a way and create my life. That's easy to say when you already have a life and you need no one else in that life. I wish I could but I can't.
I don't know who has the blame. I am responsible for my life, true that is. I a not responsible for how I was brought up. Am I the one responsible for not being able to find my life?
We've all tried it and regret things we didn't do or things we should not have done. Some of us has the responsibility our self. For some of us the choice was taken away.
That we didn't manage to break that bond is that because we are who we are? Because they were who they were? A mix of both? I would say yeah in my case it was a mix of both but mostly because they were who there were.
If my childhood home hadn't been a home with a patron, if I hadn't had such a sensitive soul, if I hadn't had a deep need of satisfying them and do what they expected and what I thought was expected from me, my situation would have been another, or would it?
They should have guided me and listened to me. Instead I was told.
There's so much I haven't done yet and time is running out. If I had done it earlier, I wonder if I would still have that gigantic feeling of loss of life, of being a failure, of being a fool.
Right now I feel I don't have a life and I've felt that for many years now. I feel I don't know who I am. I feel I don't know my strength. I feel more than anything I know my weakness, but do I?
Each day just passes by. I feel I have no purpose. No wins, no gains. I have a lot of dreams but I don't seem to be able to get to them. And what are my dreams exactly? Are they wishes, are they fantasies, are they real and do-able? What the fuck am I doing here?
There's a lot I can do but nothing really appeals to me. Reading, sewing, taking photos, the options are endless. All is do-able, but there's nothing where I can say that's it and go all in.
What is it I want to spend my life on? Why is it I never seem to be able to settle? Answer, I simply don't know.
I do know what I miss. I miss love, to be loved and give love. Some people says we should learn to love our self and that until we do that we can't love! I don't agree in those words. That is to say we're all alike, and we're not. I am dependent on other people. Not from their love to be alive, but to live my life and feel alive.
Who says that by loving our self we'll be able to manage life and feel alive? I do love my self so it has nothing to do with that. It's what I need in my life that is not present.
A friend of mine tells me to create my life. To find a way and create my life. That's easy to say when you already have a life and you need no one else in that life. I wish I could but I can't.
I don't know who has the blame. I am responsible for my life, true that is. I a not responsible for how I was brought up. Am I the one responsible for not being able to find my life?
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